Share's Sharing

have you ever had a night where you just lay in bed and a whole bunch of past memories come flooding into your head? except they're not just any old memory. they're memories that you've never thought of before, things that you'd forgotten or blocked out of your mind. a few nights ago, i was laying in bed and i was suffocating with repressed memories. some things were good, most were not so good and it made me remember a lot of stuff that i didn't particularly want to remember.

i remembered sitting in pre-k with our musical intruments... we would sit on the mats that were formed into an egg-shaped circle and sing and play.

i remembered sitting in a psychratrist's office with my mom trying to explain how "it made me feel".

i remembered the night when i knew that you loved me.

i remembered bus rides and lunches where you excluded me and made me feel so bad that i counted out 30 pills into my hand.

i remembered craving your love because everyone thought you were the bestest friend.

i remembered the feeling of extreme shame as i became one of the people that i strain to look at as i walk by.

i remembered feeling completly and utterly betrayed by you.

i remembered the talk that i had with you the day before i lost something dear to me.

i remembered blowing off math and having some of the best times i've ever had in high school.

i remembered seeing you on "tv" and drawing polar bears and having meaningless talks about the future.

i remembered my first "almost kiss" and how it made me feel.


then i remembered how far of come since all of then, and i fell asleep.