Share's Sharing

Love taught me to lie.

Alright, I'm gonna be straight up and admit it: I'm jumping on the Lady GaGa bandwagon. I just wish her songs wouldn't get overplayed on the radio. I've been on YouTube for hours at a time this weekend, and Lady GaGa has definitley won over my heart. This post is completly pointless. Unless you're already a GaGa fan... You can rejoice that I'm now your fellow follower.

"As fun as things were back then, you NEED to realize that things will NEVER be like that again. They've made their choice. All you can do is live in the now and look forward to better times that wouldn't have happened if things were the same as they were back then. You're hurt but you have to get over it."

I can't believe how much everything has changed.
I feel like I'm finally embracing it for the first time.
Crap still happens...
But good things happen through the bad.
I've been hurt, I have hurt others, forgiveness is an
amazing feeling.
Sometimes I wish that certain things had gone differently,
but something great could come out of it, and if I don't
give these changes a chance, concentrating on how I didn't
get my way... How am I to realize when something
beautiful happens? Life goes on, I don't want these downs
to be a horrible thing anymore. I need to see past it,
be happy through it, and rejoice when my life rollar
coaster hits its peaks.

I'm going to get ridiculed relentlessly about this comment:

I wish I owned a Pensive.

While I'm at it, I wish Ron Weasley would come to life, live in my building, and fall madly in love with me as we bump into each other doing laundry.

It's actually not that upsetting NOT having the internet all the time, it's kind of refreshing actually. Minus the whole blogging thing, 'cuz I love to do this. I have been journaling more on my own though, which is probably better. I like keeping my life on paper... Or keeping it through technology... I love going back and reading what's happened, my thoughts on stuff, and just reminding myself of some things that I have already forgotten.

I'm twenty two. When I say that out loud, it doesn't feel old, it doesn't feel young... It feels right. It's the age I want to be. This is my year, the year that I figure Sharon out, the year that I get my finances in order, the year that I'll start working towards who I want to be. I don't want to put my sights too high... I don't want to dissapoint myself if I can't make my goals. I'm thinking about Jon Foreman's song "Twenty Four" and I can't believe that I'm two years away from that age. It seems like just yesterday that I was still in high school... Hating it... I love being this age, I love surrounding myself with true friends, I love having responsibility and finally being able to prove that I can handle the stress.

Life is still life. I've been told I'm a drama queen quite often by several different people... I guess there's some things that are harder to grow out than others. My life in Coquitlam should be picked up by MTV, it would have amazing ratings. That being said, I love every one of my Coquitlam homies, they've accepted me for who I am [faults and all], and been wonderful to me along the way. I love cooking dinners together, I love having our weekends, I appreciate what every one of them has done for me [especially the month of me getting settled]. On the other hand, I appreciate the old friends and how they've been okay with me getting settled and minorly ignoring them while I do. It's also a bit harder without the help of technology... specifically the internet, but as I said before it's refreshing having to actually make an effort IRL.

I'm trying to not let it bug me that I keep hearing things "through the grapevine" and getting messages and phone calls with people being concerned about me. I want to think that people are actually genuinely concerned, but the whole gossip thing doesn't really help. People hear things that aren't true and assume they are, which I can understand. I know I have a lot of trust to build up, but I want to assure everyone that I'm fine. I'm almost over the hump and I've been working really hard to get here. It just kinda sucks hearing about things that "I've been doing" which are completly untrue. I realize that proof is in the pudding, but no one really talks specifically to ME, they talk to everyone else. I listen to music with my friends in the car, I go to the theatre and watch Notorious, I go to Boston Pizza and order a lemon water just so we have somewhere to chill. I'm pretty boring and normal and I have a lot of people to thank for getting to this point in my life. I just hate that people are worried when they don't need to be. <3

"What are you guys up to?"
"Oh, we just came from the hotel up the street. We're just taking a little walk, it was getting pretty stuffy in there."

I love you guys, I loved this weekend, I can't wait for Cali.

"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... Start whenever you want... You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I was all ready to write a huge blog on what's been going on lately, how I've been feeling... But it seems a shame writing anything after posting this quote. It's perfect.

it's so easy
to believe
your words.
your fucking hateful, hurtful words.
crying every day
is getting so tiring
but they won't stop,
and sometimes
i need them.
family get-togethers
bring on the lies
the fake smiles
and the cheerfulness.
did i really do this
to myself?
this red room
scares me now.
i want to shut myself out and up,
end this rabbit hole of a life.
it's always "time to pretend",
i can't be myself and let the
shit out.
happy christmas and holiday cheer
to you and yours.