Share's Sharing

TONIGHT was the most awkward, halarious encounter that I've ever had...

Me and Said Friend were having a chat and carmel machiatto/orange frap and Starbucks, chilling on the outside tables when I hear this squeeking sound. I causually look over into the playful laughing eyes of a boy of 12 on a bike, squeezing the handle breaks casually and grinning at us.

So of course, I can't concentrate on our conversation, and every time I laugh, the boy laughs. I try not to encourage him and don't look his way. After 5 or so minutes of the laughing and squeezing of squeeky breaks, he bikes away.

I look into Said Friend's eyes and we both laugh, with confused "WTF" looks. We're still laughing at the awkwardness of it, when the 12 year old rounds the corner and stops yet again feet from us. This time I look pointedly at him wondering where his parents are when he starts entertaining us with his talk.

Now, this whole time I honestly don't know if this child is mentally handicapped or just a regular kid trying to get some laughs. At one point I actually look around for a camera in case we're the newest subjects of a YouTube phenomenon. So I can't really laugh at him, since I don't know what's up with him but I do have to look into the window the opposite way and stiffle some giggles.

"Did you know that Starbucks is made out of cow's shit?"
"I swear a lot when I'm out of the house. Like say fuck and shit a lot 'cuz my Mom's not around."
"My Dad says my Mom is a crack addict." --> At which my oh-so-halarious friend says, "That explains it."
"You should replace all the B's in the alphabet with F's. Then Starbucks would be Starfucks."
"Do you have herpes? Can you buy herpes? Can I get herpes?"

By this point, we feel efficently awkward and decide to jet into the nearby Safeway to ditch the child. He starts following us and saying something like, "Well, who will I talk to?" At which point I mention the group of older people sitting outside having a smoke. So as we walk away he goes to the group and says, "Um, those people said to ask you about Herpes." as he points to our hurried bodies escaping into the store.

WOW.

Don't ever do drugs, kids.