Share's Sharing

it's so easy
to believe
your words.
your fucking hateful, hurtful words.
crying every day
is getting so tiring
but they won't stop,
and sometimes
i need them.
family get-togethers
bring on the lies
the fake smiles
and the cheerfulness.
did i really do this
to myself?
this red room
scares me now.
i want to shut myself out and up,
end this rabbit hole of a life.
it's always "time to pretend",
i can't be myself and let the
shit out.
happy christmas and holiday cheer
to you and yours.

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed.
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on.

-World Spins Madly

I hate this godamn feeling.

"I fall asleep with my friends around me
Only place I know, I feel safe.
I'm gonna call this home.

You should see the canals are freezing
You should see me high
You should just be here-
Be with me here.
It doesn't seem there's hope for me-
I let you down
but i won't give in now,
Not for any amount."

-Jimmy Eat World

I really can't wait to have my own family. Well, obviously I can wait and obviously I don't want that to happen anytime soon, but I'm excited for it to happen eventually. I can't wait to raise my kids with my husband. I know for all the bad things that have happened with me or with my siblings, that's just one more thing that will go right for my own kids. I can't wait to be an amazing Mom to have amazing kids who love me and will have been brought up right. As much as I love love love being in my early twenties [I seriously love it], sometimes I wish I could fast forward to a more stable time in my life.