Share's Sharing

i made a good choice this morning.

i began feeling depressed and upset,
my mind doing it's own thing.
i went back to bed and was crying
and trying to keep my mind off
what was upsetting me, but i just
kept thinking and crying and trying
to get back to sleep.

but then i thought, what is this
accomplishing? i'm gonna make myself
feel even worse just staying in bed
and overthinking things. so i got up,
made coffee and i feel so much
better! plus there's a special on
tv about twins which, [if you know
me] makes me really happy.
so yey for me, yey for coffee, yey
for twins, and yey god for giving
me that push to just get up.

Pictures from back in the day!

i like having friends who i can call, completly break down, and know that i'm still 125% loved by them. thanks, girly.

i guess i should start training my body to go back into normal sleeping patterns, eh? it's just too easy to keep it how it is.

for the record, i'm trying really hard. REALLY hard. but when i come home and find out you haven't even bothered to listen to your voicemail, it kinda make me feel like OH OK, WHY BOTHER?! i really really really want this job. it's perfect for the summer and for my lifestyle. i hope you recognize how hard i'm trying to keep myself in your good graces.

& yes i know i keep missing your call! ugh, we need to like, set up a "red bucket" forum online so we can just talk about stuff whenever we happen to be online. a private one that we can all talk with each other.

i realized today how weird it's gonna be for me to live on my own in a month. i'm so social and i love being around people and hanging out. it's gonna be sad just chilling out with myself... and my cat.

i'm crashing at my mom's house tonight cuz i was deathly afraid of falling asleep at the wheel.

...yet it seems not all THAT tired since i've been on this friggin' laptop which take three minutes to load one page.

good news is that i'm feeling way better than yesterday and the day before. blaugh, i don't like being sick, especially when there's so much to do. at least i didn't cop out and spend these past couple days in bed. i wanted to! but i pushed through and rewarded myself late last night with just laying in bed, drinking peppermint tea, and watching chitty chitty bang bang [a mcburnie classic].

it's really annoying to me that my bc friends feel too uncomfortable... or whatever... to call me at my dad's and that i keep missing my edmonton friends' calls. i can't call you guys back 'cuz i don't have a phone card and my dad doesn't have a long distance plan. i miss you though :-( my life really is different here... even though it's only been a week.

tonight i snuck into the music room at zion and got to hear the tail end of some of the youth practising songs. needless to say [you'll already understand if you know these kids], i was wowed. i'm so excited to see what they have planned!

and anyone who reads this who knows krissi... PLEASE bug her to go see a doctor. she's still feeling sick. and pray for her.

I've been sitting here listening to Jann Arden trying to get myself in a "blogging mood"... I have so much to say but my head wouldn't shut up enough for me long enough to write anything! That's probably BECAUSE I'm listening to Jann Arden which only reminds me of Jenn which reminds me of Regan which reminds me of Hanna which reminds me of the Red Bucket which reminds me of happy times that I miss. So I'm gonna put on Soulja Boy and hope I can get something relatively interesting down here.

Although I miss Edmonton [okay, not actually Edmonton, just my girls], I feel like me being here has been confirmed as a great thing over and over again. I'm so used to being around people all the time that this alone time is a bit overwhelming and my daydreaming and thinking have been working triple time and I can barely keep up with myself! But life is good. I'm really excited doors keep opening for me!

My constant struggle with gaining a relationship with God is still there. I have to be honest, I can't change my life overnight. But I'm really encouraged by the feedback I've been getting, and the oppertunities and support from other people. I've been doing a lot of reading [thanks, Jenn!] and am super stoked to jump into relationships where other people can benefit off of me! These past months I've had so much encouragment and so many questions answered and am SO thankful that they've opened my eyes and given me a lot to think about.

On another note, last night was fun... It was great seeing people who I haven't seen in a while! I'm stoked to gain new friendships, work on old ones, and be around my siblings. I have to enjoy Johanna while I can because she'll be moving to the Island in September! YEY SUMMER!

i'm home.
it feels weird to say i'm "home" and meaning...bc
home was edmonton for so long & i've gotten used
to saying home = edmonton.
life is never dull, eh?
i have lots to catch up on
& i'm leaving lots behind.
bittersweet.
change & choices
hope i've made the right one.

change.
i hate that word.

i'm back at work, but have put in my two weeks as i'm NOT able to transfer to the new west office. i might end up applying anyway, but i have other ideas for the summer. so come fall, i'm hoping that there will be spots available for westjet. if not, i'll apply to telus.

anyway... i feel crappy, suddenly today i'm all stuffed up, YET have a runny nose, headache... the whole glorious nine yards. at least i wasn't sick while i was at home! t minus fourteen days!

These past few days have been amazing. Scratch that, the whole time I've been home everyone has been amazing and I've been having SO much fun catching up with so many people! Last night was awesome... It was so great witnessing just the first of many friends getting married! The "Final Countdown" part was halarious, and Aubri looked drop dead goregous. Plus it was great catching up with friends who I haven't seen in a long time!